


Revisions

by wulluwuh



Category: Animorphs - Katherine A. Applegate
Genre: Angst, Death, F/F, Gen, I mean gal pals sorry, War, because I am too busy writing these girls being sad, gay pals, the timeline is being fucked with and I don't bother to explain, timeline weirdness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-08-27 14:34:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16704313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wulluwuh/pseuds/wulluwuh
Summary: Aftran is--A human nothlit with black eyes and long straight dark hair that's never combed as well or washed as often as it could be. Until she's not.Her hair can be black or brown or red. When it's long, she refuses to pull it back in a ponytail or wear a headband, complaining that either gives her a headache. Her eyes can be green, gray, or brown, but most of the time they settle on pitch black. And that's all just when she's human.She's not human even half the time.(Or; Possibilities get played with around Aftran, and Cassie's status as a temporal anomaly means she remembers way, way too many of them)





	Revisions

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ushauz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ushauz/gifts).



> My good friend Will made me read the entire Animorphs series, minus a few books that were deemed unimportant. My conclusion? Cassie/Aftran, people. Cassie/Aftran. 
> 
> A few things before we start:
> 
> 1) this fic is low on explanations. There is timeline messing around, and I considered devoting more time to explaining it, maybe even having the Ellimist pop up for tea and explain what he was up to. However, I decided that took away from the thrust of the fic. So yeah, no direct explanations, only implications. 
> 
> 2) This is also pretty low on the presence of the other Animorphs! Which is mostly because while I would love to include them more and have them react to all this shit, it would make the fic longer. So, so much longer. and I am lazy.
> 
> 3) Also, while it's tagged Cassie/Aftran, I am as ever terrible at making my writing unambiguously romantic. There are probably a few typical "these people are in love-love" flags missing or whatever. You could probably read this as platonic if you really wanted to.
> 
> 4)Happy reading!

It begins like a dream, right in the middle of everything. Cassie is an alley, another girl gripping her wrist tightly and pulling her into the shadows. Cassie doesn't know when or how she got there, and before she can ask the girl stops and turns, inexplicably familiar eyes gleaming.

 _Aftran,_ Cassie realizes.

For a moment, it doesn't make sense. Aftran is supposed to be--not here, and not human, Cassie thinks.

"Okay," Aftran says. "So here's the deal. We need to do something or Illim and Mr. Tidwell are going to get found out."

Aftran talks fast. Cassie finds herself completely lost, searching her memories to see how she got to this point.

Aftran, lying in Cassie's hands, just rescued from Visser 3's clutches. Unable to return to the Kandrona pool. Doomed to suffer a slow death of Kandrona starvation. Unless...

Nothlit whale. Nothlit human. Her head flips back and forth between conflicting images until it feels like it's about to split open.

"Hey, Cassie? Are you listening? Are you okay?"

Cassie opens her eyes, and everything settles. Aftran is there. Human, but also a yeerk even now. This is the solution they came up with after Cassie had rescued her. It all clicks into place, and Cassie accepts it.

"Okay," Cassie says, catching up. "Illim. Tidwell. You need my morphing powers."

"Yes," Aftran says. "I know you've already done a lot for me. But this would help us, and hopefully mean more of a shot at peace. You're the peace girl."

"I'll do it," Cassie says, squeezing Aftran's hand. Had they been holding hands this entire conversation? It's hard for her to track her movements, looking back. But Aftran grins, and Cassie stops thinking about that.

"Okay," Aftran says, letting go of Cassie's hand. "Okay. Meet me in a few days."

"Maybe you should give me a number to call you at?"

"Numbers. Phones. Right."

"You don't have one yet."

Aftran shrugs. "Human-ing is hard when you have to start from scratch."

Aftran's movements are jerky, Cassie notes. She goes from standing still and impassive to doing everything too quickly. Now, she jumps to leave, bolting to disappear down the alleyway now that their conversation

"You going to work on the phone thing?"

Aftran whips her head around, and offers a grin. "I'll work on it."

Cassie jumps. Because Aftran's eyes are a different color than they seemed to be a moment ago. Green, when before they were black. But Aftran doesn't seem to notice her reaction, and darts down the alleyway, her hands doing a bit of a dance as she goes.

* * *

<Okay> Aftran says. <That went->

Cassie lets out a long sigh, and buries her face in her hands.

<Hey, it worked> Aftran says, a bit defensively. <That's what matters in the end, right?>

Aftran descends to a nearby branch and peers down at Cassie.

<It's always like this> Aftran says. <There's no such thing as a plan that goes exactly the way you imagine it.>

"Yeah," Cassie sighs. "But I really messed up. I think they-"

She forgets what she was saying and stares at Aftran. She sees Aftran as a human girl for a minute, and that image conflicts with the winged figure she sees now. Then, it all settles. It's just Aftran, regular Aftran in her new nothlit form, sitting on a branch in front of her.

"Osprey," Cassie says. "You chose the morph that you took when you--when we met."

Aftran puffs up her feathers, her chest getting big. <Oh, and you just now noticed?>

She manages to look so offended for a creature without facial expressions, that for a moment Cassie laughs. Then, she shakes her head, turning her thoughts back to her and Aftran's endeavors.

"They got me on camera," she moans, "They're going to show it to the world, and Jake is going to so disappointed."

<When did they get you on camera?>

"You know, that Controller with the-"

Cassie pauses. She recalls one event, one that involved a lady controller who Cassie whirled to see snapping pictures of her midmorph. Aftran had leapt to grab the camera but she was too slow and--

But no, Aftran obviously did no such thing. She is a bird. Slowly, the version with Cassie being caught on camera filters out of her mind, replaced with--with what actually happened, Cassie supposes. There is no controller with a camera in this one.

"Um." Cassie shakes her head. "Never mind."

* * *

Aftran is--

A girl with black eyes and long straight dark hair that's never combed as well or washed as often as it could be. Until she's not.

Her hair can be black or brown or red. When it's long, she refuses to pull it back in a ponytail or wear a headband, complaining that either gives her a headache. Her eyes can be green, gray, or brown, but most of the time they settle on pitch black. Sometimes she is tall and stocky. Sometimes she is short and scrawny. Sometimes she is dark with a smooth enough complexion to make Rachel green; sometimes she is pale and freckly and grousing about sunburns. And that's all just when she's human.

She's not human even half of the time.

Aftran when Aftran is an animal, she’s most often an osprey. Occasionally, she's a cat, or an opossum, or in one brief but memorable case, a dog. Always Cassie's morphs. Always acquired directly from her.

That, though, is only when she is with Cassie. She sometimes nothlits as other species. But those are the times Cassie runs to the barn to meet her, only to find it empty with nothing but sudden memories of her vanishing into the ocean.

Now, Afran is with her in her room. Normally, at a time like this, she might be hopping about and puffing up, maybe even flapping her wings excitedly. Now, she's jittering in ways a human body allows.

"Okay," she says. "I've been feeling about and I think we could get a lot of yeerks to join us, actually. But they wouldn't be super pro-human or pro-peace, they'd just... want a way out."

"A way out of...?"

Aftran leans forward. "Look. Visser 3 kills yeerks. He kills a lot of yeerks, even obedient yeerks, hard-working yeerks, smart yeerks, loyal yeerks, and so on. No matter how high up you are or how hard you try to follow the rules, he can and will throw you to the Taxxons the moment he decides you aren't useful enough. If we offered most yeerks a way out, a way for them to leave and also survive--"

Cassie stares at Aftran, her head spinning a little. She wonders if she's going crazy.

"What's your plan?" she asks Aftran.

"I'm going to become a Controller." She grimaces. "It's the best way I can keep helping the peace movement. Illim says he'll set me up with a yeerk in the movement who needs a host."

"That's..." Cassie hesitates. "It might be hard to go back, after all that's happened to you."

"Pfff. Hard? For me?" Aftran snorts, before her expression turns serious. "Okay, it’s a bit terrifying. But I need to do it. Maybe it'll be good for me to see the other side."

Cassie frowns. "We won't get to be alone together anymore then, huh? It'll be you, me, and the new friend in your head."

"Ha!" Aftran says. "Probably not I guess, unless they agree to get put in a jar for a few hours. Well, let's enjoy our alone time while it lasts."

She holds up a soda, and the two of them have a toast.

* * *

 

Cassie does not go crazy.

She knows the Ellimist has messed with the timeline before. There are vague memories of that as well. She assumes it must be his work now.

 _Temporal anomaly_. That term is in her head, something the Ellimist has said about her, though she can't entirely remember what it means. Maybe it's why she is noticing all of these changes.

She takes deep breaths. She takes each moment as it comes. She follows along when someone says something that doesn't match up with what she remembers. When something is off, she just runs with it.

If Aftran is an osprey Cassie take midnights flights with her around the city to plot out their schemes. If she's a girl, they sit up at night like friends on a sleepover, except where they talk about morals, resistance tactics and various ways to break and enter a government building. Either way, she's still Aftran.

(Cassie starts to prefer it when she's not a girl though. Because when she's a girl, there is always someone else in her head, and Cassie can see the moments she's being tuned out in order for Aftran to talk to someone who communicates more immediately with her.)

"I mean," Aftran says, "We need the assholes. If we don't have the assholes, then who's going to fight Visser 3? No one, because all yeerks sentient beings are assholes. Except for you of course. Ugh."

"Hm," Cassie says. "But if you recruit the ones who don't care about humans or peace, and who only care about getting away from Visser 3, there's a chance they'll use the movement and then enslave the humans themselves once Visser 3 is out of the way."

"Well maybe they'd try," Aftran says. "I'd like a whole movement of Cassies too, but that's impossible."

They talk a lot, like this. Aftran has ideas--so many ideas, so many ideas and perspectives that Cassie or the animorphs wouldn't have considered on their own. Cassie leans in because she feels, no matter the timeline, Aftran is someone who makes her listen to every word.

She thinks about recording her sometimes. Writing down everything Aftran says the way an anthropologist might write down interactions with a member of a distant culture, or biologist might write down the actions of an exciting, newly discovered species. But that's not a fair thought for Cassie to have, is it?

"If we could guarantee a way out, a way for them to survive without enslaving anyone," Aftran says. "Then maybe we wouldn't need to worry about their moral character. Make it the best decision to leave humans alone."

"But how can we do that?" Cassie asks. "If yeerks don't have a host, then--the Iskoort!"

Aftran tilts her head. "The what?"

"You don't know about them! They're a species we encountered out in space, and they're yeerks! But they have their own host bodies they created. Not sentient clones or anything but--argh, I wish I could just show you."

"Then show me."

And then, Aftran is shrinking. Shrinking and growing tendrils. Cassie's mouth opens in surprise for a moment, but as with everything these days, she rolls with it and puts Aftran in her head without hesitation.

They have done this before dozens of times now, her memory supplies. Inside her brain, Aftran peers through Cassie's memories of the iskoort, sharing her every feeling.

"You couldn't see these memories before?" Cassie asks aloud.

<I can't see every memory at once, and I didn't want to just--Cassie, they're like us! We can grow host bodies. It's better, it's _easier,_ it's--perfect! Cassie, _Cassie!"_

A wide grin pulls at Cassie's lips, and it's as much Aftran's as her own.

* * *

Cassie remembers--no, experiences everything.

It's tricky to work out the details of getting Aftran to the pool after Cassie rescued her. In the end, they sneak their way back in the same way Cassie did the first time.

Nourishment, as it turns out, can be taken in morph. But it has to be a morph of the same species as your own. Aftran can't morph into a human, eat a steak, and then not need Kandrona nourishment when she morphs back to yeerk. She _can_ however (as they test out), morph another yeerk, return to the pool in that disguise, get fed Kandrona rays, and morph back to her own form once she's done.

They use the form of Illim, again.

<It's not worth it," Aftran says. <You'll have to go to the pool with me every time. You'll have to risk yourself twice a week. Even if you're morphing a known Controller, they might decide to assign a new yeerk to you, and then we'd be in trouble.>

"I'll go," Cassie insists. "Illim says they need you. _We_ need you. You're the leader of the whole movement."

<I wouldn't say that.>

"But the peace movement knows you and listens to you."

When Cassie takes the morphing cube, her heart beats just as strongly as when she'd first let Aftran inside her head. She doesn't think about how she's not consulting the others, at the time. It's easy to discount them, just like it was easy to discount them the first time she let Aftran in. They're all sick. They're all out of the room. Aftran needs morphing powers to continue her work, and that's all that's in Cassie's head.

Later, after they've pulled it off and Cassie is alone in her room with no one there but the friend in her head, she curls up and lets the guilt wash over her.

<Well you shouldn't have done it!> Aftran snaps. Then, more gently, she says. <I'm sorry. I would have talked you out of it if I had known it would be like this.>

"It's fine," Cassie tells her. "I guess I just--sometimes, I do things in the heat of the moment and I don't... think."

Saving a Controller who had been trying to kill her. Letting a strange Yeerk into her head. Permanently transforming into a caterpillar to prove a point.

<You're right, you really don't think.>

“Oh, thanks."

<Well, it's always worked for you in the past,> Aftran says. Cassie feels her own hand move. Cassie--no, Aftran grips Cassie's shoulder comfortingly. <Let's hope your luck never runs out.>

* * *

Controllers don't automatically get to know their Yeerk's thoughts and feelings. So when Cassie feels washes of emotion and thoughts from Aftran, she knows it's because Aftran chooses to share them with her.

<I let you know everything> Aftran says, feeling her curiosity. <Well, except for the boring or embarrassing stuff.>

"What's the embarrassing stuff?"

<We need to finish this assignment.>

"Aftran," Cassie whines. "You get to see everything in my head!"

<Well, not really!I _could_ but that would be work. Sooo much work. Do you ever get the urge to go through every single filing cabinet of yearbooks in your school library since 1923 and read every page? No? Then you get it.>

"But you get to hear all my immediate thoughts."

Aftran couldn't make an "ugh" sound in Cassie's head so instead she flashes an image of Marco doing it to get her point across. <Let's just say I do my best not to.>

"Hey!"

<Look, do you think I want to hear you mooning over Jake every time? You get your privacy, I get my privacy.>

Cassie huffs, trying to return to the math assignment, but her mind is on what Aftran said. "... you actually get embarrassed by things? You?"

<Occasionally,> Aftran admits stiffly. <But the point is, you don't want to see everything in my head. Trust me.>

They work together better than Cassie could have imagined. Aftran is good at all of the things Cassie isn't: lying, infiltrating, every skill needed to maintain a growing, unorganized resistance to the empire. And then, in the heat of battle, Aftran can slip out of her ear and transform so they can have two sets of claws on the job.

Most of the time, it's perfect. They sync and bounce ideas, infiltrate and steal and switch off who's talking without a hitch. Other times, Cassie gets to see exactly what Aftran means about Cassie not wanting to see everything in her head.

Like when they've cornered a Controller with a yeerk Aftran knows--and Cassie finds out when she feels her hands morph into bear claws to press down on the human’s pale throat, choking him and trapping him so he can’t escape. Aftran's rage and hatred bleeds out then, every bit as vicious as it was for Cassie and other humans the day she'd sneeringly called them all pigs. Images of ripping out the Controller's lungs or throat filter in to Cassie's mind.

"I'll make you die painfully you traitor," Cassie hears her own voice say.

<Aftran, don't> Cassie pleads, unable to control her own arms.

<They deserve it> Aftran snarls back in her head. <The human too. He's voluntarily working with the Empire. They ratted us out. My friends died in agony because of them! They deserve the same.>

<No> Cassie says, shaking in fear at the thought of sitting in her own head while she watches her own hands tear up a living creature in all the ways Aftran wants to.

<They'll rat you out, too. It'll be the end of us. Cassie. We have to.>

_"Please."_

Aftran listens. Cassie has control of her arms again, and she lets go, letting them morph back to normal. The Controller bolts, and Cassie thinks that's the end of it until Aftran slips out of her ear.

Aftran doesn't kill them painfully and slowly, like Cassie knows she wanted to. Instead, it's a quick, powerful blow to the head with a bear's claw. Painless as it could be, Cassie knows.

Aftran looks at her for a moment, and then runs.

The next time Cassie sees her, it's after dark on the street near Cassie's school. Aftran is standing in human morph in an alleyway, peering at her. Cassie checks around to see if any of her friends are on the street, checks the sky and trees for hawks. Then, she follows.

"Are you coming back?" Cassie asks.

Aftran's hands are in her pockets, and she's not looking directly in Cassie's eyes. "Do you want me to?" she asks roughly.

Cassie holds out her hand. "Yes."

Aftran takes her hand and practically falls into her embrace before demorphing. Cassie lets her gently back into her ear.

<I'm sorry,> Aftran can't sob in Cassie's head, but her anguish and guilt makes Cassie's knees wobbly. <I know you want to do things peacefully. But he would have sold me out just like he did before, and you would have gone down too. I couldn't let him. I know I scared you.>

<I thought you'd use me to do it,> Cassie replies, her arms wrapped tightly around her body. <I have killed before. I can't judge you for that. But--I was still so scared of being used that way.>

<I'll never use you for that,> Aftran swears. <I promise, it will always be your choice. But you don't have to live with that fear. Illim could find me another willing host.>

"No," Cassie responds. "I missed you."

It's all feelings then. All warmth and gratitude. Cassie could almost collapse under the weight of it all.

<How can you still want me here after that?> Aftran asks. <I wish I was like you. I wish so badly...>

"What," says a voice from behind them, "the fuck?"

They whirl. Cassie wasn't thorough enough in her check, it seems. A familiar face is staring at them, jaw tight as he comes out of a fly morph. He doesn't look surprised. She wonders how long he has suspected something, how long he has been keeping an eye on her.

"What did you do this time, Cassie?" he asks.

"Listen," Cassie says, but it's not enough. Marco is already transforming, growing larger. Cassie's faster, but she freezes. He lunges and--

And the next thing Cassie knows, she wakes up in her bed. There is no one inside her head. Right as she's about to panic, she hears tapping, and sees an osprey at the window.

"Aftran?" Cassie asks when she opens the window. "You're... not?"

Aftran is an osprey-nothlit again. The memories filter back in.

<I need more help> Aftran says. <You up for another mission?>

* * *

Yeerk. Human. Animal.

Cassie got spoiled by how long that last scenario lasted. Now, things change whenever she blinks. She can't even keep track of when the timeline switches.

She has information in her backpack one day, records from the pool that Aftran needs. But her backpack has never been the greatest, so when she trips they all come pouring out, and she can't snatch them up quickly enough for them to not see.

"It's nothing!" she blurts. "It's just--"

"For the peace movement, right?" Marco asks.

"Hey!" Rachel says. "You know we offered to help with that, right?"

Cassie can only look between the two, dumbfounded.

"That reminds me," Rachel says. "Tobias was talking to Aftran the other day, and I walked in on it. They said..."

The Animorphs know. The Animorphs work with the peace movement. For a while, everything is better than Cassie could imagine.

And then Cassie blinks.

"Aftran?" she says. "You talked to her?"

The stare Rachel gives her hurts a bit. "No? Cassie, the ocean is a big place. I haven't exactly been looking for her either. Are you okay?"

Cassie shakes her head. "I just--I need to go."

She doesn't say more, because she knows that whatever she says, it will be wrong and they'll look at her like that again. Instead, she goes back home, and finds Aftran sitting on her bed.

"I think I'm crazy," Cassie mumbles.

Aftran peers at her. "Like letting a strange yeerk who wants to kill you in your head crazy or...?"

Cassie throws a pillow at her, smiling in spite of herself. Aftran laughs.

"Hey, don't take it so hard," she says. "But seriously, what's the matter?"

"I don't know how to explain it," Cassie says. "I don't know if it's worth it, because it all might get erased once I do. It's all so... gargh."

She makes a gesture to approximate the amount of “gargh”-ness involved. Aftran looks at her and nods sagely.

"Okay," Aftran says. "So we're talking, ‘infiltrate the yeerk pool alone to rescue a prisoner kind of crazy’ then?"

Aftran dodges another pillow, and grins, before turning serious.

"Cassie," she says. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. But I just want you to know, if you're crazy then I don't want to deal with any humans that you'd call sane."

* * *

The timelines start to narrow down. Cassie watches possibility after possibility lead to dead ends.

In one, Cassie comes outside after a dance with Jake to see Aftran watching, waiting for her. She says they need to talk, so Cassie morphs and they fly together for what turns out to be the last time.

<I can't do this> Aftran tells her. <None of them listen to me anymore. They say I'm not a yeerk any longer, that I don't contribute enough.>

<They're wrong.>

<They're not,> Aftran tells her. <I can't recruit or convince people when I never go into the pool. I can't infiltrate yeerk command when I can't even enter a human building. I can't even host other peace movement members. What right do I have to make decisions about how we do things?>

<But you went through so much for them.>

<And now I have nothing left to offer.> Cassie can feel the frustration from her. <Nothing. And that's all that matters.>

They land. Cassie re-morphs, and holds Aftran for a moment, doing her best to give her a hug. Aftran allows it, but her feathers shift restlessly once Aftran lets go.

<I'm going> Aftran says, spreading her wings. <Goodbye, Cassie. Don't follow me.>

Another time, Aftran goes missing for days, only to show up ragged-looking on Cassie's doorstep--to say goodbye, again.

"Undin got discovered," she says. "He died of Kandrona starvation."

Cassie gasped. "How did you escape?"

"They put another yeerk in my head. An undiscovered peace movement member volunteered--but she helped me escape." Aftran swallows. "I can't go back there."

"Illim and Mr. Tidwell could find you another yeerk who needs--"

Aftran stomps her foot, and wails with rage. That's when the tears come. "That's not what I mean! He died in my head. I can't do it anymore. I can’t go back. I can't.”

She buries her face in her hands and wails. Cassie stands there, not knowing what to do.

"Like it would matter if I left. Now I'm just another host to most of them. Livestock." She starts to laugh. "A pig, as Undin let me know plenty of times."

"He said that to you?" Cassie asks, outraged.

"Come off it. As though you wouldn't hold hands and sing Kumbaya with him, if you talked to him for five minutes," she snarls. "I told you--we needed to recruit even the ones who hate humans. We need everyone who will stand against Visser 3. I thought I could help them see."

Cassie sits down next to her, wondering if she should lay a hand on her shoulder for comfort. "You did your best."

"But it wasn't enough," Aftran says bitterly. "I'm not as good as you."

Aftran crying goes from rage to defeat. Cassie wishes she had the right words to say. Instead she lays a hand on her shoulder, and Aftran looks up from where her face was buried in her hands.

"I came to say goodbye," Aftran tells her faintly.

"Goodbye? Where are you going?"

"I don't know," Aftran says.

"Stay with me."

Aftran's face twist into something ugly. "What, so you could remind me every day about how I'm not good enough?!"

"I would never say that!"

"You wouldn't have to." Her expression collapses again, and she makes for the door. "Don't follow me."

_ <Don't follow me> she says, spreading her wings and soaring into the air. _

_ <Don't follow me> she says, darting into the shadows, tail flicking behind her. _

_“Don't follow me,” she says, morphing one last time to disappear into the ocean._

When she sticks around long enough for when the animorphs collaborate with Taylor and almost end the peace movement, it's harder. Cassie usually has to run and tell her, and see the look on her face or hear her animal form let out an enraged shriek.

The one time she’s in Cassie's head when they make the decision, her shock and anger are so palpable that Cassie almost collapses.

When that whole horrible episode is over and the peace movement and the the Animorphs saved, Aftran is quiet. Cassie goes back to her room,  Aftran slips out of her ear and morphs human.

"I can't believe them!" she fumes. "All our work, and they were ready to wipe it out in a second on the word of a torturer and a coward."

She paces angrily, quiet.

"I can't stand to look at them anymore," Aftran says finally. "I'm finding another host to take me to the pool when I need to go."

"What?!" Cassie asks.

"Do you think I want to hearing you mooning over Jake after this?" Aftran snaps.

Cassie flinches. Aftran's face crumples.

"I'm sorry," she says. "You don't deserve that. You saved us. You saved everyone. But I-I just..."

She starts to tear up, and instantly demorphs. When she morphs again, it's into another bird. Expressionless and fierce.

<Thank you for everything Cassie> she says. <I am sorry for my outburst. We'd be dead without you. But I... I think I'll go spend the night with Illim and Mr. Tidwell. I need to have my thoughts to myself for a while after this.>

Cassie nods numbly. "Okay. Okay."

Aftran gives her one last look, and then darts out the window.

* * *

_It will end._

The Ellimist had promised that, somewhere in Cassie's hazy memories. Now, she can feel the end growing near.

She hears a lot more goodbyes from Aftran. When it's all devolved into outright war, she starts to find her body. And how strange is it, to not know what Aftran looks like at any given moment, except for the moment she sees her body mangled on the ground?

Osprey. Cat. Human.

Red hair. Black hair. Blonde hair. Curly, straight, long, short--Cassie sees it and somehow just knows it's her. Sometimes she runs to her, and touches her face and checks for pulse just to confirm. Sometimes, she doesn't get to even do that, and it's just a horrifying glance while fighting, or retreating from a lost battle.

When Aftran is alive, she wants less and less to do with Cassie.

"You want our help?" she asks, monotone. Cassie wonders how much of this is Aftran speaking, and how much are the thoughts of whatever yeerk she's voluntarily hosting. "So you and your pig friends can mow down more of our yeerks?"

"We don't want to kill more of the peace movement," Cassie says. "But we can't always identify them. I'm sorry."

The peace movement doesn't turn on the Animorphs, and Cassie knows that a lot of that is Aftran's doing. But that doesn't mean she's not pissed.

"Fine," she snaps. "I'll help you stupid kids. And your Andalite."

After the morphing cube is lost, and morphing soldiers in Visser 3's army show up, the tensions get even worse.

<You could have given it to us. You could have given peace movement members the same options you gave me. We could have had morph capable yeerks willing to work with you! Or at least, human nothlits who could host the other yeerks. But no, you didn't want to trust us with that.>

Aftran's wings have been injured this time. Broken in battle. There's an accusation in her fierce eyes.

<Still! I respected that. I understood you had had problems before. But then, you let some other yeerk have the cube just because you didn't want your precious Jake to have a guilty conscience.>

"I'm sorry," Cassie says.

Aftran's wings sag. <Leave me. Just leave me.>

Dead end after dead end. Body after body. Black hair that leaves blood on Cassie's hands when she strokes it one last time. Eyes staring blankly into the sky. Limbs twisted, wings broken, blood, blood, blood--

They lose contact with the peace movement. Cassie looks for her, and eventually gets a letter. She feels that Aftran is supposed to be a human nothlit currently. Black hair. Black eyes. She isn't sure if she ran away after a breakdown, or if she stayed working with the movement as a host.

"I bet she’s already dead," Rachel tells her. "This is definitely a trap."

"Yes," Cassie says. "Probably."

She doesn't stop, and keeps moving to the meeting place.

It's Cassie old house they meet at. Or, well, the rubble where it once stood. Aftran is there, her black hair swaying in the wind. Cassie demorphs, and runs up to her.

"Aftran!" she breathes. "We lost contact with the peace movement. Is everything okay?"

Aftran turns and smiles gently. Not a way Aftran ever smiles. Cassie knows she's in trouble, even before the Controller forces pop out with guns.

"Cassie, Cassie, good and perfect Cassie," she says. "Aftran's been telling me all about you. Not willingly, of course."

Cassie's throat catches.

"Look up now," The yeerk controlling Aftran is gleeful. "She's wanted to see you so much. Won't you at least let her look into your eyes one last time?"

Cassie sees the other soldiers--controllers--moving to surround her in the corner of her eye. She keeps her eyes locked on Aftran.

"This is a fitting punishment for a wayward yeerk, don't you think? Being turned into a host. Watching us take down her treacherous allies with her own body."

But the Animorphs are what they are, and none of them ever walk into a trap without their own trap planned. Not anymore. Her friends and allies move before Cassie expects them too, shooting and forcing the Controller troops to whirl and focus on them.  And the second her enemy's confidence withers with surprise, Cassie is a wolf.

She lunges. Aftran--no, whoever is controlling Aftran grapples with her.

"You won't kill me," she laughs. "You didn't kill her when you should have, years ago. What makes you think you can--"

Cassie doesn't see the blow. She only sees Aftran's face crumple, and feels her go limp. Cassie demorphs, knowing it's over. She looks over Aftran's shoulder and sees Rachel demorphing from Hork Bajir, standing there like the goddess of death, her arms still morphed into scaled claws.

Of course it was Rachel.

Aftran gurgles. Rachel's claws seem to have cracked her ribs and impaled her lung. There's blood all over her--all over them both.

"Aftran," Cassie holds her face. "Aftran."

Aftran clutches her back. She mouths wordlessly, bleeding and squirming in pain. But her hands go on Cassie’s shoulders, and their eyes meet. For a moment, Cassie thinks it's Aftran--really Aftran in control, not her tormentor--but then her hands go for Cassie's throat.

Rachel strikes the back of Aftran’s head next, and that's the end of it.

* * *

It can always get worse. That's something that Cassie learns about war.

Cassies was never going to feel good about the plan to blow up the yeerk pool. She didn't know if she could feel good about any of her actions ever again. Still, she bursts into the underground area with the Yeerk pool, shouting, "This place will explode in four minutes! Everyone evacuate!"

\--And then, across all of the bodies in the room, just out of one of the cages, she recognizes Afrtan's eyes going wide.

Aftran only holds her gaze for three seconds. Then, she breaks eye contact with her, and instead pulls out some keys.

"Keys!" she cries. "Guards, anyone with keys, let them all out!"

But there are too many cages to open to make it out in time. Cassies runs, pushes through the swarm of bodies, even morphs her arms to something stronger so she can push them out of the way quickly enough. Then, she grabs Aftran's wrist.

"Come on," she says.

Aftran's lips quirk. "I can save more."

Cassie panics, and starts to drag her.

"Cassie!"

"We don't have time!" she says. "Come on--stop fighting me!"

_Aftran yanks away, gives her one last look. "Don't follow me" she says, before running off, vanishing into the crowd with her keys dangling in her hand._

Aftran shrinks. She _shrinks_ because she's not there as a host, or even as a yeerk in control, but as an infiltrator again. Cassie grabs her and puts her to her ear, waiting for Aftran to crawl in before she morphs into her osprey to leave.

They watch the pool explode from afar.

Cassies feels terror, grief, and rage overwhelm her for a moment. But only that moment, and then Aftran has gone silent in her head.

* * *

After the other Animorphs have left, Cassie stays and walks through all the destruction. Rubble. Bodies. Aftran looks through her memories and Cassie does not object.

<You really did this. You really agreed to it.>

Cassie can't tell if there is any beside surprise under that pronouncement. Aftran's emotions are shut off from hers.

They see survivors, people who had fled out of the blast zone and then been caught in the rubble. Humans and Hork Bajir. Some of them are still moving. Cassie walks toward them.

<You're only going to torture yourself, Cassie.>

Cassie approaches the victims. She still morphs and digs them out of the rubble. She feels Aftran slide out of her ear, and sees her quietly morph into a polar bear and do the same. Most die shortly afterwards.

Aftran says nothing, until they find yeerk survivors, of all things. Lying in puddles on the ground squirming, miraculously still alive. Cassie sees her eyes widen.

<Oh,> Afran lets out a frustrated roar. <Oh you have to be kidding me. Of course I have to be the one to deal with this.>

Aftran steps forward. Cassie puts a hand on her massive shoulder. "What are you going to do?"

Aftran doesn’t look at her. <Kandrona starvation is a horrible way to die, Cassie.>

"We could save them."

<We can't. Only Kandrona can save them.>

“Maybe... maybe there will be a rescue ship?"

Aftran snorts bitterly.

"You don't have to do this." Cassie says. Not because she thinks it's wrong, but because she knows how much it will hurt Aftran to do it.

<Cassie…> Aftran shrugs off her hand. <Look away.>

After that, they find no more survivors. Cassie sits down in the rubble. There is nothing left she can do to take her mind off what she just did. She hears Aftran demorph, and then morph into a human beside her, now that all of the heavy lifting is done.

"I wonder if this is where the school gym was," she says absently, out loud.

Aftran actually laughs. Cassie turns and sees her sitting down too, face in her hands. They both sink lie on the ground, staring at the sky in silence.

"You know," Aftran said. "One of my favorite things was when we would go flying together."

"I remember," Cassie said. "You always loved flying."

"Your memory is shit," Aftran says. "I loved going flying with _you_. In your head, or side by side. It wasn't the same when I had to leave and do it alone."

Cassie closes her eyes. "We can fly now."

Aftran laughs again, even shriller than before. "I guess we can, can't we?"

Cassie sits up, and holds out her hand. This must be what crazy feels like. Holding out your hand again and again, asking for more--more friendship, more cooperation, more understand, more sacrifice--even after you've gone past _this._ Even when you have no idea whether you deserve forgiveness or want it.

But she really wants to go flying with her friend again. It might be the last time they can. And it looks like Aftran wants that too.

Aftran reaches back, starts to demorph.

Two things happen:

One: a there is a loose piece of rubble that makes its way down. Cassie barely grabs Aftran and snatches her out of the way in time.

Two: She doesn't. The rubble bashes against Aftrans vulnerable yeerk body. Cassie picks her up and--

* * *

They fly side by side. They do a whole tour. They reminisce. And then, at the end, they land on the beach and Aftran goes from osprey to yeerk to human one last time, staring at Cassie with piercing eyes.

"We have... a few more days," Cassie says. "What else do you want to do?"

"Cassie," she says. "When you saw me at the yeerk pool before you and your friends blew it up, I hadn't gone into the pool yet. I don't have days. I have hours."

Cassie's heart stops. "What are you going to do?"

"You know my options," she says, looking to the sky. "Nothlit or die. I can never be a yeerk again."

"I'm sorry." Cassie says. "I know... you've held onto being a yeerk so long, even though you could be anything else. Even though it was so much work to get to the pool."

"Yeah," Aftran's voice is cracking. "I really wanted to keep being a stupid blind slug. I really did."

Cassie doesn't know if she should move to hug her or not. "The Hork-Bajir valley... they would let you stay. They let humans stay there."

"Cassie." Aftran sighs. "I'm not going to be a human. I just wanted to talk to you like this one last time."

“Oh,” Cassie says, wondering why that answer feels like rejection. Cassie swallows. Aftran turns towards the horizon. To the ocean.

"I don't want to be human," she says. "I don't want to be anything that would keep me in this any longer. I don’t want to deal with the human brain or human bullshit. I want to be something happy or at least stupid that's going to die fast."

“You don’t want to...stay with…?”

“With who?” Aftran smiles at Cassie, and it looks so bitter and sad. "Just let me swim again Cassie."

They say their goodbyes, and Cassie watches her disappear into the depths of the ocean.

* * *

 

A strong blow to the brain could give a human a concussion. A yeerk is all brain, and Aftran was almost crushed.

"Morph!" Cassie says, holding her in her hands. "Morph! You can still heal."

But Aftran can't hear her. She's squirming in Cassie's hands, stretching to morph one second only to snap back to her original state. Not sure what else to do, Cassie lifts Aftran to her ear, hoping she'll realize and crawl in.

She does. When her thoughts flood into Cassie's they are hazy and slurred.

<Cassie>

"You're here!"

<I'm here> Aftran repeats.

She's quiet. Cassie realizes even now, she's trying to hold back, keeping a wall between her thoughts and Cassie’s. But she can’t keep it together. Cassie starts to feel Aftran’s pain and fear bleeding through their connection.

<It hurts, Cassie>

“I know. I’m sorry,” Cassie tells her. “I can feel it.”

<Cassie.>

"I think you might have something like a concussion. Try to stay focused. Keep it together and you might be able to "

An ugly feeling flashes through her mind, aimed at Cassie.

"You... hate me?" Cassie asks. “Is that what you're trying to say."

Instantly there is a wall again, radiating negative emotion behind it. <No>

Cassie doesn't know what to do. She morphs and demorphs herself, hoping that will spur Aftran on. She gets Aftran to crawl out of her head, and pokes her hoping she'll regain the focus to morph. She goes to the meager rescue team and asks for help, asks if any of them know anything about how to help a yeerk who just suffered a strong blow. They all stare, and at best shake their heads.

"We can fix this," Cassie says.

<Can we?>

"If, if it's like a concussion, you might be able to heal up in a few days. You can morph then, and heal all the damage done to you."

<Kandrona>

"We'll... we'll find a way for you to survive. You might have to go nothlit."

<Not enough time.>

"We have plenty of time! I'll take you back to the others. They'll help. We can fix this. We can--"

Cassie finds her legs wobbling away.

<Cassie.> Aftran's voice in her head sounds sorrowful. She couldn't concentrate long enough to keep control of Cassie's legs though. <Kill me.>

“No. Never,” Cassie said.

<You’re so cruel> Aftran’s words were layered with both affection and deep sadness. <So, so cruel.>

“You’ll thank me when you’re alive and good as new. The others--they’ll help.”

Aftran goes quiet. Cassie starts the journey back to the other animorphs, but halfway there, Aftran tugs at her for control, turning her in the direction of a stream.

<There. Water. Go there.>

Cassie jerked away instinctively. “No, we need to consult Jake and Ax.”

For the first time since their partnership began, Aftran fights for control. She loses, too. Loses so pathetically that Cassie realizes there must be something really wrong if she can’t exert control. More emotions bled out: helplessness, rage, fear. Cassie gives in.

"You don't have to fight me! I'll get you water."

They head toward the stream.

"You're angry at me," Cassie says. "You don't need to hide it from me. I know what I've done. I knew you'd be angry when I did it. I thought there wasn't a better way, but I can understand. I killed so many of your people."

Dead silence.

"Please talk to me," Cassie begs. "Be angry with me, but talk to me."

Dead silence. More nudging to the stream. Finally, at the edge of the water, Cassie collapses.

"I'm sorry," Cassie said. "I'm so sorry."

<Cassie>

Warmth. But with Aftran's greeting, Cassie feels a flash of her pain.

<Cassie. At the yeerk pool. I hadn't... Only hours left, I think. Half day maybe.> Aftran says. <Can't morph. Can't heal.>

Terror. Complete, abject terror.

"What's wrong?" Cassie asks. "Why are you afraid?"

<I’m gonna die>

Die _alone,_ says an alarming jolt in Cassie’s head.

"You won't die. And I'm right here."

<Cassie.> Fear. The kind of fear someone might have right before jumping off a diving board. <You don't deserve to suffer Kandrona starvation.>

“I won’t--”

<I forgive you. Goodbye.>

Cassie feels her head plunge into the stream, and Aftran slipped out of her ear.

_Cassie grasps but feels her friend slip through her fingers and wash down the stream, right to the death she feared so much. Cassie reaches but--_

"No!" Cassie screams in frustration. She denies that, and dives into the water instead. She morphs and swims and searches high and low, fearing the worst.

_She searches, but even in morph with senses attuned to underwater, there’s no sign--_

Cassie shuts it out. Shuts out all of the flickering possibilities that threaten to split off again. SHe grits her teeth and grasps everywhere she can. She refuses to give up.

She finds Aftran, and lifts her back to her ear.

"Let me stay with you," Cassie begs, knowing Aftran can’t hear. "Please. Please."

Aftran relents, crawling back into her head.

<You won't die alone> Cassie tell her.

Aftran doesn't even manage her name at this point, just a stream of emotion. She can't keep anything behind a wall anymore. Her and Cassie's minds blend together and so Cassie feels everything.

Aftran is angry with her. Aftran hates, if not Cassie herself, then the fact that Cassie made her believe in peace and then showed up to destroy Aftran's own dream of peace. She resents her. She’s hurt and betrayed.

...and she walled herself off, because she still cared about Cassie and didn't want her to have to feel all this anger directed at her.

"It's okay," Cassie manages. "It's okay, I'm here. I understand."

She's in pain, she's frightened. She wants to crawl away if only so she can save Cassie this death, but Cassie covers her ears.

“We’ll find the others. We’ll keep you alive. I promise.”

It’s not a promise Cassie gets to keep.

Aftran dies. Cassie sees everything. Every memory. Every feeling. Kandrona starvation is torturous. But in that moment, all of the anger and jealousy melts away, insignificant before one truth that burns through it like the sun through dark clouds.

Aftran loves her.

Aftran looks at her with awe and wonder. With honor and respect. She looked at Cassie all this time and drew on her for hope and energy to keep moving forward, to keep working for the movement. She clung to this image of Cassie in the pool, under torture, under threat. Cassie inspired her. Cassie kept her going.

<Like rays from the Kandrona sun>

It's dizzying love, inhumanly focused and intense. Cassie feels it all for a single moment. Then, like a shooting star burning up in the atmosphere, it's gone forever.

* * *

Cassie's life after the war isn't bad, all things considered.

She's alive. She has things to keep her busy. Work. Good work. Good work that heals. She sees the Hork Bajir building their own lives, the members of the peace movement building _their_ own lives. She watches buildings being rebuilt and families being reunited.

The flickering of possibilities before her eyes slows and then stops. She heals.

She also wakes up everything night unable to breathe because she remembers everything, even the things that never happened.

There's Ronnie. He helps, but they quickly grow apart. She doesn’t feel for him like she did for Jake, or Rachel, or even--she doesn't dare carry that thought further.

Ronnie gives her relief. That's why she started dating him. He provides her the reassurance she can be normal still.

When she realizes that's no love, she lets him go.

Cassie lives. She writes. She visits Rachel's grave. She does her best to reconnect with Jake and Marco. She keeps in touch with Tobias as much as she can. They all go off into the stars on their last big adventure, but through it all her heart is convinced she’ll see them again in a month or so.

And then, she gets a letter that tells her she's the last Animorph and she snaps.

She leaves. There are things to do and people to help, appointments and promises and commitments, but she leaves anyway. She morphs hooves to run and wings to fly, right until she's standing at the edge of a beach, staring at the ocean.

She dives in.

Cassie doesn't even know if there is an Aftran here, now. She doesn't know if Aftran stayed alive in any single branch of that mess. But she recalls Tobias, and everything he told her about the Ellimist. How he was Elfangor's son--who shouldn't actually exist in this reality, as Elfangor never came to earth in this timeline, but he was somehow carted over.

Maybe, then, there’s a possibility.

It's incredible, how a humpback whale can be so big yet so hard to find. She keeps searching. When the time limit is near, she realizes she's too deep underwater, she’s liable to be crushed, unless she can demorph and remorph in five seconds flat.

Luckily, she was always the best damn morpher.

She goes deeper and deeper. She calls out to other whales, and speaks to them. But finally, finding nothing, she lets herself float the long way back to the surface, demorphing one more time.

There might have been one last person in the whole universe alive who knew her and could understand her. But she's not there, and now Cassie is completely alone.

* * *

 

Cassie floats in the water, staring up at the sky.

There is no Aftran, not even in the deepest parts of the ocean. In her complete defeat, Cassie somehow finds herself peaceful. She enjoys the soak in the water, letting her mind stay blank. The way home is going to be long and tiring, so she puts it off as long as she can justify before she goes swimming back.

She lies on the shore next. Dazed, and staring up at the sky.

"Cassie?"

Cassie blinks at that voice.

"Cassie? Holy shit you--what are you doing here? You _followed_ me!"

"I'm sunbathing," Cassie says absentmindedly.

"I never thought I'd see you again!"

Cassie hears tears in that pronouncement, and turns her head. Her eyes widen at the woman approaching her.

"And of course you show up on my beach looking like you need someone to take care of you. Here. Get up."

Cassie has a hand held out to her, and eyes that she would never forget--not matter what color they happened to be at the moment.

She takes Aftran's hand.

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to yell at me about Animorphs of Cassie and Aftran, I am on tumblr [right over here!](http://www.wulluhwuh.tumblr.com) Or just leave me a comment. Either is good :D


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